Why You Should Be Worried When Your Kid Says They’re ‘Crashing Out’

This term is all over TikTok. Here's what it means and what to do about it.

Mom yelling at her teen

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Parents of tweens and teens like me are always in need of a brush up on current slang terms, such as lala bop, and rizz. Now, there’s another term making the rounds in middle and high schools, as well as on TikTok: “crashing out.” 

If you're unfamiliar with the term, you're not alone. Here's your guide to what crashing out means and what to do about it.

What Does ‘Crashing Out’ Mean?

My 14-year-old explained “crashing out” to me as meaning “you’re going to flip out,” or “you can’t pull it together.” A popular TikTok also explains the term as essentially being an overreaction to a minor problem—like having your shoe stepped on. 

We may have called it something else, but kids (and adults!) have been “crashing out” since the beginning of human history. And there’s no denying that emotional regulation is a tough skill for people of all ages to master.

That's especially true for tweens and teens, who are battling changing hormones, and pressures ranging from school to social media. Teens are also just learning how to navigate tough situations on their own, so “crashing out” happens. 

But sometimes "crashing out" becomes a habit, and a default response to problems big and small. In those cases, experts say it's important for parents to step in.

Why ‘Crashing Out’ Happens

Many factors can lead to adolescents’ emotions becoming unmanageable—aka “crashing out," says Kristie Tse, LMHC, a New York-based psychotherapist and founder of Uncover Mental Health Counseling.

“Hormones can amplify emotions, making small issues seem insurmountable,” she tells Parents. “External stressors like academic pressure, social media, and peer relationships exacerbate these challenges.”

Especially when left unaddressed, emotional dysregulation can result. But a lot of it also comes down to development.

“The brains and bodies of tweens and teens are in a dynamic state of growth and development, as are their abilities to regulate emotions, make well-thought-out decisions, and manage social, school, family, and personal pressures," says Tom Milam, MD, MDiv, Chief Medical Officer of Iris Telehealth, Associate Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at the Virginia Tech Carilion School of Medicine, and Attending Psychiatrist at Carilion Clinic.

Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, a New York City-based neuropsychologist and Director of Comprehend the Mind, adds, "Teens go through intense hormonal shifts in impulse control, and the prefrontal cortex—which regulates self-control—is still developing.”

How Parents Can Help Kids Avoid ‘Crashing Out’

Understanding the underlying emotions that cause kids to “crash out” can help prevent outbursts and encourage healthier emotional expression, according to Tse.

Meanwhile, modeling appropriate reactions to stressful situations is one of the most important things parents can do to help kids do the same.

“Sharing personal stories about managing difficult feelings can offer relatable insights to kids,” Tse recommends. Dr. Hafeez says that telling kids mistakes are allowed is also key.

Here are more tips for helping your child practice emotional regulation skills:

  • Engage in open, honest conversations. Aim to discuss your child’s feelings without casting judgment, so they feel heard. “Start with a positive statement such as, ‘I want you to know I’m really proud of you and I can see you have a lot going on—can you give me a little update for a few minutes?’” Dr. Milam recommends. “Approaching our children with ‘disarming invitations’ can open doors and be a pathway to address our concerns.” 
  • Identify potential triggers. Walking through scenarios that may be challenging may help prepare your child to handle stress.
  • Encourage mindful activities. Art, sports, and meditation serve as outlets for stress, and may help your child learn to handle situations more calmly.
  • Suggest taking a time out. This may look like deep breathing, visualizing a relaxing place, or stepping away from the trigger momentarily. 
  • Showcase healthy coping strategies. Try exercising with your child, for example.
  • Practice gratitude as a family. Take turns talking about what was good about the day. You can do that during mealtimes.
  • Limit kids’ social media. This can help prevent impulsivity and peer pressure.
  • Remind your child to consider the consequences. Thinking about how impulsive behavior may impact them and others can help in the moment.
  • Name emotions. When your child says “I’m angry,” for instance, it can take the edge off the intensity. 
  • Promote positive self-talk. One mantra to try is “I can do this!”

When Your Kid May Need More Help

We all lose our cool sometimes. We’re human! Indeed, it’s important to remember that “crashing out” is not a cause for concern in many cases, but instead, a normal part of development that helps kids learn how to manage stress, according to Dr. Milam. 

“Some things are unavoidably stressful, but necessary, for our personal growth and identity formation, such as studying for tests and participating in sports games, theater performances, and other activities children and adolescents engage in,” he shares.

However, if emotional episodes start to interfere with daily functioning, Tse says it’s time to seek professional intervention.

Dr. Milam cautions parents to look out for warning signs that your child needs support from a professional. Those can include:

  • Severe outbursts
  • Risk-taking behavior
  • Disruptions to sleep
  • Avoiding things they used to enjoy
  • Suicidal thoughts

“Use of unhealthy coping strategies, such as self-injury or addiction, requires the same type of prompt response because they're also an indication of the underlying emotional state,” Dr. Hafeez also advises.

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Sources
Parents uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Emotional Dysregulation in Adolescents: Implications for the Development of Severe Psychiatric Disorders, Substance Abuse, and Suicidal Ideation and BehaviorsBrain Sci. 2020.

  2. How to help kids understand and manage their emotions. American Psychological Association. 2023.

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