When to Have a Another Baby, According to Parents and Experts

A funny thing often happens in groups of friends who welcomed their first children around the same time. By your kids' first birthdays, you may notice said friends splitting off into one of two categories: those who've announced they're expecting baby number two and those who are wondering if it's too soon to have another. You may find yourself wondering, Should I have another baby?

If you're trying to calculate the best timing between your babies or if you should have another one, keep reading to see what the experts and experienced parents have to say.

What the Research Says About When to Have Another Baby

Not all round-two expectant parents are intentionally ahead of the curve on family planning (some of us were, ahem, surprised!), and many worry about the effects a second baby will have on their family dynamic. Birth order might actually your kids' personalities, and you might also be wondering if the firstborn be shortchanged on attention? Will we ever get eight hours of sleep again this decade? Read on to find out how apart doctors think pregnancies should be spaced.

The best time to get pregnant, according to doctors

Research suggests waiting at least 24 months between pregnancies. Patrice Harold-Barrow, MD, an OB-GYN and director of minimally invasive gynecology at Hutzel Women's Hospital in Detroit, generally advises birthing parents to wait until their youngest child is about 18 months, assuming they are in good physical and emotional health.

How the timing of another baby effects your health

The research has found that if you don't wait long enough to get pregnant again, there can be a risk to the pregnant person's health.

"Studies have suggested that intervals shorter than 18 months are associated with increased risk to the infant—including preterm birth, low birth weight, small size for their gestational age, and NICU admissions," notes Dr. Harold-Barrow.

On the flip side, longer intervals—more than 59 months between pregnancies—have also been associated with increased risk, such as developing preeclampsia, adds Dr. Harold-Barrow.

Tips for Pregnancy Spacing, According to Age Gap

Less Than 2 Years Apart

If you're considering spacing your children less than two years apart, there are some delightful perks like raising siblings who are also friends. But there are also some drawbacks like doubling up on everything from diapers to tantrums.

Pros

• Rapid-fire family additions mean condensing the time you spend in baby mode. This can be a good thing—the nuances of tummy time and teething are fresh in your mind when number two (or three!) comes along. "I was already doing diapers, so the learning curve was not that big," says Janerl Lampson of Bakersfield, California, whose first two children are 16 months apart.
• Many parents also find that kids under 2 tend to be less jealous of a new sibling, and that the siblings have a closer relationship. "My girls are always with each other," says Dara Federman, a Brooklyn mom of two. "Eliana said the other day that she wants to live with Leah forever."
• This may be the most affordable option. While you may dread double costs with back-to-back kids, plenty of activities such as dance classes, camps, and even some preschools offer discounts for multiple siblings attending.

Cons

• Caring for two or more kids who need constant care and attention can be overwhelming. "The first two years were really tough," says Susan Hayden of Seattle. "Someone was always sick or not sleeping. I think I missed out on really enjoying a lot of their stages because we were always in 'crisis mode.'"
• If you have a partner, your relationship may get tested in these early days. Both parents might feel spread thin by the treadmill of feedings, laundry, tantrums, and sleepless nights. One peer-reviewed international survey of marriage satisfaction among parents found that the more children a couple has, the less happy they are in their relationship.

Tips to keep in mind

• Watch for signs of jealousy in your older child. "A 1- to 2-year-old may not be able to articulate [their] feelings or even understand why [they're] confused and angry," says Valerie Maholmes, PhD, CAS, chief of the pediatric trauma and critical illness branch at the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.
• Take care to cuddle both kids so no one feels left out. "When you're cuddling the baby and your older child is in the room, you can say, 'Let me tell you about your big brother—he knows how to do lots of neat things!' Then give some examples like stacking blocks or kicking a ball," says Adele Faber, co-author of Siblings Without Rivalry.
• And ask for help—from your partner, your parents, friends, or a babysitter who can offer both a break for you and some extra attention for your toddler. "Take things slower," says Courtney Kennedy of Emmaus, Pennsylvania, a mom of three closely spaced kids. "You'll need every ounce of energy to keep yourself and the kids happy."

2 to 4 Years Apart

Some parents say that spacing kids apart by 2 to 4 years is the sweet spot, and there are definitely some great pros to this timeline like having more time with each child. But the drawbacks may give some pause.

Pros

• This close-but-not-too-close gap is meant to preserve everyone's sanity and allow more time with each kid. "I didn't realize how nicely the spacing would work in terms of individual time with each of my children," says Jennifer Page, a Tulsa, Oklahoma mother of three kids spaced three to four years apart.
• Siblings are still close enough in age to share common interests, and many parents say the older child is a built-in mentor. "I'm always surprised at how much further ahead A.J. is than Kobe was at the same age," says Kelley Thompson of Flower Mound, Texas. "A.J. has a big brother to keep up with. He walked earlier, plus he's showing much more finesse at soccer, thanks to Kobe's teaching him what to do. Now they actually play together."
• A 2- to 4-year age gap between kids may be ideal, assuming you're doing a classic parental leave and then returning full-time to your job. "This spacing let me concentrate on learning to be a mother for a few years while at the same time continuing to work hard at my career," says Mary Plaza, a Basking Ridge, New Jersey, insurance consultant and mother of three kids born three years apart.

Cons

• This revolving door—from baby to toddler mode, and then back again—can make you feel like you're in a very smelly remake of Groundhog Day. "Except for a few months along the way," says mom-of-three Page, "I have been changing diapers now for almost 10 years!"
• It can be especially vicious during nap time. Your older child will be outgrowing their siesta just when you really need that afternoon break again.
• It can also be tough to ask for babysitting help when you have a rambunctious toddler and a new baby. "When my older child was little, finding someone to watch her for an hour or two was a snap. Family would line up to offer," says Jeri Ann Hall, a Memphis mom of two kids two years apart. "But a toddler and a baby—and when they get older, a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old—well, no one flat-out refuses, but they definitely make it clear they should be our last resort."

Tips to keep in mind

• Make an active effort to not foster jealously between siblings. Your firstborn was used to having you all to themselves. Now, whenever you're not free to play with them, they may become frustrated and act out toward the new baby. Your reactions to this behavior can nip sibling rivalry in the bud. Teach them appropriate behavior by showing the older one how to handle—and enjoy—their new sibling.
• Getting your preschooler to help with the baby can make them feel like an important member of the family. "Megan liked getting bottles, diapers, and wipes," says Page. "We'd also sing songs to calm Macy when she cried, and I even assigned Megan 'babysitting' duties, like dancing while Macy was in her bouncy chair."

5 Years Apart or More

For some families, spacing children by five or more years sounds perfect. Not only do each of your children get to feel like the only child, but parents can feel a little more free and confident in their parenting.

Pros

• Your kids each get the benefits of being an only child. Each kids gets individual attention but also the companionship of a sibling, even if they're not super tight. Meanwhile, you get to focus on each child with more freedom. "I definitely feel like I'm getting to know my kids as individuals," says Mary Ann Guman, a mother of three from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, who had an eight-year break between her firstborn and her second.
• You'll be more confident because you've had a lot more practice. "I'm not as frazzled as I was with my two older children," says Laurente. "I have a more patient take on parenting."
• Older kids can help out at home. Laurente says her older kids were mature enough to really pitch in. "They learned to be more independent and help each other."
• Your kids still get a buddy. "I didn't know whether a 4-year-old and 10-year-old would want to spend a lot of time together, but the kids play—and sometimes fight—like the best of friends," says Lachelle Nettles from Dripping Springs, Texas.
• They also get a potential mentor. As they grow up together, the older child can help guide their younger sibling through the world of playground rules, schoolwork, cliques, and lots more.

Cons

• You're commuting every day between Kid Nation—with grade school obligations and evening Little League—and Planet Baby. Kids with bigger age gaps have drastically different needs, which requires that you carry a cubic ton of gear, and likely a fussy infant, everywhere you go.
• Rewinding all the way back to raising a new baby is draining. "It was quite an adjustment," says Laurente, of returning to diapers and naps after such a long break. "I didn't think about how exhausted I'd be trying to entertain a toddler while attending baseball games." That may mean less time and energy for baby-friendly activities.
• This spacing has some financial downfalls. Your stroller and car seat will probably be out-of-date or you may have passed them on, so you'll possibly need all new gear.

Tips to keep in mind

• Prepare older kids for a drastic life change. Forget being jealous—your older child might act positively bitter. "The arrival of a new baby can be more difficult for someone who's been an only child for a long time," says Dr. Maholmes. "You have nine months to prepare [them]; use this time to talk about all the good and potentially tough changes coming." On the bright side, researchers note that as siblings grow older, their relationship with each other becomes warmer and highly valued.
• The baby will get plenty of the spotlight, so remember to dote on your former only, too. "Abby loves to read bedtime stories to her little sisters," says Guman, "but we also give her special privileges like letting her stay up a little later at night. She likes to just hang out with us."
  

More Factors to Consider Before Having Another Baby

• Your living arrangements. It's crucial that children have enough space to sleep comfortably (although that doesn't necessarily mean they need their own rooms), eat their meals, and use the bathroom with privacy, especially as they get older.
• Your mental health. If you experienced postpartum depression or anxiety, it's important to speak with a mental health care expert about strategies for welcoming another baby that products your mental well being.
• Your financial situation. It's not secret that kids are expensive, between clothes and food, baby gear, and eventually extracurricular activities. Examine your finances closely before deciding if you're ready to support another kid.
  
• Your age. While it's completely normal and usually not at all detrimental to your health to have a baby after 35, being of more mature maternal age does come with certain risks that might mean you only have one baby—or that you consider having babies closer together before your age puts you at risk for even greater complications. On other hand, younger mothers have more flexibility in terms of being able to wait longer between pregnancies.
• Your home life. If your relationship with your partner is strong, your current children are getting along, sleeping well, and you all have the energy to spend time together without life feeling chaotic or rushed, you might not want to disturb your hard won equilibrium by adding another baby to the mix.