Pregnancy Pregnancy Complications Miscarriage How To Cope After a Miscarriage, According to a Grief Therapist By Gina Moffa, LCSW Published on October 24, 2024 Reviewed by Stacey R. Younge, LCSW PARENTS/ GETTY IMAGES As a grief therapist, many people come to me in the depths of loss. The truth is, no one can ever be prepared for the loss of a child, and the enormity of the emotions that follow can be deeply personal, complicated, and isolating. People who have experienced miscarriage often feel a sense of discomfort with their grief since they had never met their baby. But this does not make the grief any less real or overwhelming. Grieving a miscarriage can involve grieving the expectations made during the pregnancy, the role of parent to this specific child, the identity of parenthood itself, as well as a person's private hopes and dreams. The most important thing to remember is that you do not have to go through this loss alone. Read on for advice I give to people who experience a miscarriage. Feel Your Feelings A miscarriage is a traumatic loss. It can lead to depression, anxiety, guilt, agitation, irritability, and numbness. In a 2015 study, researchers found that nearly 20% of those who experienced a miscarriage developed depression or anxiety, and their symptoms persisted for one to three years. There may, at times, be an inclination to push away those feelings or manage other people's reactions around your pregnancy loss. It is also common to have fear and anxiety around getting pregnant again after a miscarriage. Remember that your feelings are valid and important, and they need to be felt. You don't have to care for or manage the emotions of all those around you right now—you're allowed to put your feelings first. Allow Yourself to Be Cared For Don't rush back into a routine or feel you must carry the full load of your life during this time. That's especially true if your body is still healing after a miscarriage. In addition, you may feel like you're on a roller coaster of emotions, which can be heightened by fluctuating hormones. So, if you can rely on other people for support, as hard as it may be, try to. If you have people around you who can cook, bring food, care for your other children, do the laundry, or complete any other chore around the house, this is the time to ask for the help. The less energy you pour into chores, the more effort can go toward your rest and recovery. Integrate the Loss Into Your Life In my therapy practice, I believe in integrating the loss into the parents' life if the parents are open to it. It doesn't matter how long you were pregnant; you still built a relationship with your baby during your pregnancy. Honoring your baby's time with you and having the baby be a part of your story is integral to the grieving and healing process. I have my clients write letters or create something personal and meaningful that can be seen as a continuation and honoring of the baby's presence. This can have a powerful effect on moving forward, not without, but with the baby's memory along with you. If you have other kids, talking with them and exploring feelings about the loss can help them process the experience and help to preserve the connection to the baby that the entire family was welcoming together. Connect With Others Who Can Relate Processing traumatic grief, such as a miscarriage, doesn't have to be a solitary experience. Your feelings deserve to be understood by people who can help to carry the weight of the loss. Although it can come in your own time, sharing can help alleviate the burden of immense grief. In addition, sharing your pregnancy loss with others can have a normalizing effect and help unburden you from carrying the weight of your grief alone. Talk To a Professional I am always an advocate of reaching out to a trusted therapist who can support, guide, and be an ally in your grief journey. If your feelings become overwhelming, if it all feels like too much to bear, or if you find yourself isolating and feeling alone in your experience, I recommend reaching out to a professional. You may also want to include your partner and talk with someone together, as they may also be struggling with grief and feeling helpless alongside you. There are plenty of online resources available to find therapists in your area for in-person appointments. Or, if you prefer speaking to someone online, you can find an in-network provider by reaching out to your insurance. Key Takeaway If you have been going through a miscarriage loss, you don't have to go through the grief alone. As a grief therapist, I believe processing grief looks different for everyone and there's no one way to process it. However, you can start by allowing yourself to feel your feelings, letting others care for you, integrating the loss into your life, connecting with those who can relate, and reaching out to a trusted therapist. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Tell us why! Other Submit Sources Parents uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Depression and Anxiety Following Early Pregnancy Loss: Recommendations for Primary Care Providers. Prim Care Companion CNS Disord. 2015. Effects of early pregnancy loss on hormone levels in the subsequent menstrual cycle. Gynecol Endocrinol. 2010.